Leading & Parenting; coaching & raising children – same purpose, make human being happ

Updated: Dec 16, 2020

It went about the importance of the father (I read parents….) influence on the performance of their children in the corporate world.

This made me go back to the day I decided to be mother and how much I had to plan clearly how I would do it. My children came to me “raised”, with an age which was very important to prioritize what I wanted to teach them, since I did not have time enough as other mothers. While other mothers would have 6, 7 or 9 years to build up the values and principles in their children, I had, for my eldest, only 3 years before the phantom of teenager would start to hunt, then no time, no dedication would be enough to bring up him to what I truly believe would be the path of happiness.

To do this, to start raising 3 children coming to us at ages of 6, 7 and 9 I had to go back to my leadership trainings, beliefs and all my General Manager experience (do not be scared, if you analyze, being a true GM is being parent, but the good one, the one who teaches how to fish and does not bring the fried fish…).

The solely thing I have in my soul about leading people is that I really want them to be happy, not happy funny, but happy from the soul, happy with satisfaction of doing good deeds, happy of being able to take decisions with discernment, happy of seeing that their decisions bring the expected consequences, happy of understanding that their life have a purpose, and this purpose fits with their work!

Well, here it goes – I decided to prioritize 2 things in raising my children:

  1. Discernment to understand that all decisions will have consequences will impact all around you, and it is your responsibility to know them before going further

  2. Your happiness and state of mind will depend solely on you and this will determine your future, and this will be a consequence mainly on how your will take your decisions in life

So, discernment and attitude, these are the priorities.

Interesting enough, these are EXACTLY the qualities I look in a professional when I want to hire them to help me to be better leader, to deliver results and to build an amazing team….

If this is what one looks in a person to be part of your team, why don’t we ourselves focus the education of our children on these characteristics clearly?

Well, to hire someone who had the luck to have parents to raise them correctly and then you just have to lead them and take leverage their best is easier than doing the job of raising someone yourself…

I promise – it can be done, but Gosh…., you must be very conscious since it does not matter how many times you repeat something, your children will do what you do, not what you tell them to do, your example is shout to your face when you expect the least and your children just act as you do…. So if you want perfect children, you have to be perfect yourself. …

…hmmmm but isn’t it the same for leadership???? Your team is your mirror, isn’t it??

Yes, leading and parenting is the same!

I had this so clear, but I thought it was just in my specific case, and as everything in my life, a sign came to tell that I am in the right direction, the O Globo article has opened my eyes and has reinforced my belief that I have just to coach my children, being open, honest and mainly leaving the decision of everything to them, but not letting them do what they want, but always putting all the right questions in their head so they can answer correctly and can identify all the consequences of different decisions!

Some of the tools we use;

Notebook of reflection:

Every time the kids do something wrong, instead of telling what they did wrong, we ask them to go to their notebook, write about what they have done, what the consequences are and if they would have the chance, what would they do differently – this has worked hugely, since they themselves come to us sometimes, with their reflection done and ask for our feedback. And sometimes we ask them to go back to the notebook and observe how many times they have already written about something, this works so well!

Family meeting request right:

When one of them want to share something they learnt or some of them want to ask for help of the other, they ask for the family meeting before praying and meditating at night, the person shares her/his issue and each one has one turn to tell what he/she would do in the other’s place and why. This has helped the kids to open up and to be afraid to open their doubts and mistakes, and has helped them to see feedback as a true help!

What is the impression you have given?

Many times when they do something that is not good, we call for a oral reflection and we ask them, what is the impression you have given, or, if you were the other person, how would you see yourself? Is this how you would like to be seen? If not, how should you have acted??

We do lots, lots of talk with the children, and basically we talk as adults, we do believe that they understand, and believe me, whatever you believe your children are, they will be – if you think they are brats, horrible teenager, they will act so, but if you tell them, that you believe them, that is the reason you are trusting and expect responsibly and honesty as return, you will have…

Either this is the right conclusion, or we are the luckiest parents in the world, or the best ones in the world, and I tend to believe that it is a mix of having the best children as well as doing our best to be good parents!!!!!

All in all these last 3 years I learnt to be a better leader thanks to my children and I have learned to be a better mother thanks to my team in Venezuela!! Being a leader and a mother is EXACTLY the same, the efforts, the expectations, the happiness, the return and the satisfaction, and sometimes also some stress!!!!

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